Haha, Yesterday I wrote down in church "87 days down, 453 to go!" Not a bad chunk.
So I realized this week that I'm totally not perfect. Surprise! So I already knew this, but I don't think it's ever really clicked. I've realized lately that for as long as I can remember I've had perfect expectations for myself, which kind of makes life hard when you're an imperfect person. I have these perfect expectations, but when I make even a small mistake I'm completely devistated by it! It's such a small thing in writing, but it's so big in my life, such a big realization! So now I'm working to change my expectations for myself. Perfection would be nice, but it's really not going to happen any time soon. In the mean time, I'm working on realizing that I'm not perfect, on setting realistic expectations for myself, and when I make a mistake stepping back a bit, taking a breath, and remembering that I'm not perfect - and that's just fine. You wouldn't believe the difference it makes in life. It's actually a really big relief to realize that it's okay to make mistakes!
So that's a really simple summerization of something that's been kind of big for me lately, haha. But, running low on time.
The other thing that I just wanted to talk with you about is connected to something that happened this morning. Sis. P. and I were talking about our personal studies this morning at the begining of comp studies and I was talking about how happy I was because I read a talk from gen con about a man who would look at his watch and be able to say "I know right now my parents are kneeling down to pray for me," and about how when a family does all the things its supposed to, those things will be written in their children's hearts. I was so happy because I could say the same thing about my family! I tend to do that a lot in studies. Sister P asked me if I've ever been really angry; yeah, for a good couple years straight! She asked me how I got over it, and it was then that I realized that I got through all my anger and all my sadness because of 1) pouring my heart out to my Heavenly Father, and 2) the love of my family. No matter how rude, angry, stupid, moody, or whatever I was, my siblings had seemingly limitless love and patience for me. They just kept loving me. Heaven only knows why, I'm pretty sure they're saints! But I just remember all the times where I was just angry at everything and Kristen would sit down with me at the top of the stairs and talk to me. I was a jerk, I wouldn't talk to her, but she just kept loving me, she didn't even get angry. She then asked me what would have happened if I hadn't had that love. I told her that I don't know if I would be where I am today. Not only did my family give me limitless love, but they provided that contrast that I needed in my life to be able to see where I was, who they were, and where I wanted to be; I wanted to be like them. I realized that you learn to feel and understand the Savior's love in the family, because I know that's where I learned it. That's where I learned, and still learn, what Christlike love looks like. The question popped into my mind last week, "why in the world does my family love me??" I don't know. Haha, I don't know why you all have always loved me, or why you still do, because I'm one heck of a punk. Haha, But the important thing is that I know you all do love me, every one of you, without a doubt. And I'm SO thankful for that because without that love that you taught us to have for one another, without their developing and freely giving me that love, and you and dad being parents with limitless love, I don't believe I'd be where I am today being the person I am today. Whenever I think of the person I want to be when I get back from my mission I think of Tyler when he got off the plane from his mission. He looked like a half starved dear in the headlights, but he also looked like the happiest person in the world, and he looked like he was about to burst with joy when he gave me that hug that I didn't really know what to do with, haha. And something I realized just now is that if you and dad love me so much, more than even makes sense to me, how incredibly much does my Heavenly Father love me?
You're all my super stars and my examples! I love you so much, mom!
|Waiting for their investigators!|
|They got a little bored, I'm guessing... lol|
|Selfies are alive and strong in Malaysia!|
|I love to see her smile!|